Crapville Crapstains are Going DOWN!!

The "Crapville Crapstains" and their GM are going down this week! With Steve Smith on bye, they've got nothing! Between whoever reads this and me, here is my secret to success this week:

Ever td that Peyton throws goes to Reggie Wayne! Simple as that.

This is a battle of 5-3 teams folks. This is SERIOUS shit this week. FART CITY will not stand for another weak performance from our WR's. You heard it hear first, but McNabb is going to throw for 3 td's this week and Portis shuts down the Steelers and runs fro 175.

FAST WILLIE PARKER - Please Come Back

We're Back!!! Licking our Wounds, but We're Back

Sorry for the lack of posts. I was out of town and then had to play a lot of catch up when I returned. My lack of dedication to the blog proved to haunt me. After starting the blog the week of DBV, FART CITY showed up in a strong way and kicked ass! Then last week, after not posting anything, we were absolutely destroyed by DoggNutz in a horrible way. I still licking my wounds!

Well, lesson learned. We are back to the blog this week against a strong Mintville Mustangs (aka Crapville Crapstains). I would say that spirits are high in FART CITY after last weeks ass kicking, thinking we could come in and dominate. But we are HURTING! Here is a list of what is wrong with our squad:

• Reggie Wayne - has sat out of practice with bum knee. Reggie will most likely play, but is banged up.


• The Mayor - has sat out of practice with a bum hip. He's too much of a bad-ass to not play, but still banged up.


• Willie Parker - trying to come back from banged up knee. Banged up and allowed M. Moore to garner too much respect in his absence. We in FART CITY are not happy.


• Sammy Morris - got pumped after he helped destroy DBV. But has been out with banged up knee and most likely won't play this week either.


• Norwood (my idle) - sat out of practice with concussion. He is concussed for crying out loud!


• Plax - just a dick


• Rhodes - We love him in FART CITY and heads are dropped all over the place at news that Addai will most likely be returning this week, thus sending Rhodes to the bench.

So, as you can see, there is reason for spirits to be down. I am sure we will get pumped up by the weekend. We need some serious energy to take on the Crapville Crapstains!

The Replacements...

I want to thank those who came in this week and kicked ass out of nowhere. I am referring to 2 outstanding RB's who came in this week as replacements for me and more than did their fair-share. These two quite litterally won a game for me. Thank you Mr. Dominic Rhodes and Mr. Sammy Morris. Your place on the team may not last long but you will never be forgotten. Beating DBV was oh so fantastic. It felt great and there was a wonderful celebration in FART CITY last night!

D. Rhodes, we hope that Addai stays hurt for a while. Sammy...we hope your knee gets better. But God love you both! THANK YOU!

Kill Jay Cutler Fan Club

I have been thinking about changing the name of the blog to the Kill Jay Cutler Fan Club. While that may be a bit extreme, I definitely think it is worth a blog post to take a moment and relish in the pain and failure that Jay Cutler is sure to experience tonight against the Patriots. I am only one man. But I wish the worst on young Jay tonight. He is a cocky SOB and needs to be put in his place. What kind of little kid thinks he is better than John Elway - even worse...it is him making the comment about himself, nobody else said it. What a cocky bitch. I can't wait to watch him sacked all over the place, throwing multiple int's again!!!

"I have a stronger arm than John Elway, hands down. I'll bet on it against anybody's in the league. Brett Favre's got a cannon. But on game days, there's nobody in the league who's going to throw it harder than I am at all." - Jay "i'm a little bitch" Cutler

Down The Home Stretch...

Here it is, Saturday before a HUGE game in the 2008 season. FART CITY is pumped for this. They are out stretching now, preparing for the huge game. There are so many questions on who the actual starting line-up will be this week. Obviously the Mayor has his usual spot - hip flexor or not - but there are some other issues.

Jeff "stand in" Garcia is primed and ready to play. Then there is Mark "really, this is your best" Bulger. He was picked up weeks ago specifically for this week. (Quick back story: he was DBV's QB until his poor play and getting demoted to 2nd string led him to be cut. However St. Louis got rid of their coach and the new coach named him again starter. FART CITY picked up Bulger for the explicit purpose of playing this week in Mc5's absence). From no options at qb to now too many. Ugh....what will we do. Who will lead our team to destroy Del Boca Visa this week?

Then the flex. Before I get into that, though, let's have a quick moment of silence for Fast Willie Parker. We will miss you again this week buddy! Okay, so Flex position. Options are Sammy Morris...will he show up? Will he score? Who knows. Beyond that is Eddie Royal or Good Ol' Johnnie Lee. Both have the double threat of receiver that can bust it at any time for td, as well as kick returners. I like those extra touches.

Only time will tell. For now, you better believe that ALL of FART CITY is out there getting ready for this game - and whoever gets the call will bring it all!!

Happy Birthday To Me....

As the esteemed leader of FART CITY, I would like to wish myself a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Since nobody reads this blog (I know...hard to believe right), I figure nobody else will do it.

The WALL of FART CITY

This is what happens when you try to run into FART CITY...

You are going to get stuck, you are going to get stuck hard. Del Boca Vista....you are about to get HURT!!!

NOWAY (click on link NOWAY)

Correction...

I beat DBV in 2005. He went by the Marine Biologists then.

This Just In...

I just did a quick background check and you are not going to believe this:

FART CITY has never won against Del Boca Vista (or whatever gay name the GM decided to go bye in past years).

This is unacceptable! I NEED to see some serious action from FART CITY this week. Willie, if you don't play, then your commitment to this team is in serious question. This is what I am expecting from you all - FART CITY can NOT dissappoint. This is huger than huge (yes, I said "huger").

1. Jeff "The Stand In" Garcia - Your main purpose here is to not lose the game. You do not throw INT's, lets keep it that way. (225 yards and 2 td's)



2. Reggie - Just be Reggie. You tourched GB last year, I am not even asking for that. Keep it real for FART CITY. You are the backbone of our receiving core. (130 yds and 1 td)



3. Plax - PLEASE...just show up. You are playing the 49ers for crying out loud. (98 yds and 1 td)



4. 2-6 "The Mayor" - You are our heart, our soul. You always find a way. Whether it be junk time or pounding through a hole to game some needed yards and td's for the team, you are there. I'm the first to admit that I have a man-crush on you. (135 yds, 2 td's)



5. Dominic "New Guy" Rhodes - I know you are nervous, this being your first start with FART CITY. You most likely won't be here with us at the end of the year but we will remember the good times as we celebrate a championship. If you can dominate this week, I may keep you around later in the year just so you get a ring. (98 yds, 2 td's)



6. Anthony "wtf" Fasano - Dude, really? You have had two good games all year. You weren't in the lineup either of those games. How about giving daddy one of those td's that I so desire from my tightend spot? (56 yds, 1 td)



7. Da Bears - Nothing else need be said. (shut out, 5 sacks, 1 int)



8. Fast Willie Parker - We need you here buddy. Can you step up for the team? This is the Bengals for the love of pete. You love to destroy the Bengals. Don't you want to crush them? Remember game 1 this year? 3 td's, that was nice. ***(155 yds, 3 td's)



9. Eddie or Johnnie Lee - One of you may be asked to step in this week. If so, it is going to be your moment to shine. Both of you are nasty threats to return a kick at any time. Both of you are nasty threats to break a reception for a td with your sick, sick speed. FART CITY is proud to have you both as members of this team and only wish that we could play 4 WR's every week. ***(85 yds, 1 td, 165 ret yds)

PotHole Willie Parker

VS.

In the epic battle of man vs. pothole - Pothole may just have won. If FWP seriously is knocked out this week because he reinjured his knee on a pothole at the practice field, then Carl the groundskeeper needs to be shot!

I mean I am playing my nemisis this week - Del Boca Vista. I am sitting strongly in 3rd place, I am coming off the high of Dominic Rhodes joining the squad. And then this shit! I just can't take it!

I still claim that I will come away with victory this week. Even though I am without Mc5 and perhaps without FWP, I will still win.

Welcome our newest Team Member

FART CITY is proud to welcome Dominic Rhodes to the roster! It may not last long, but if the news is true and Joseph Addai is out this week, DR may provide some much needed boost to our Flex position. With team leader Mc5 sitting out this week on bye, we could use the help! Go get us a Touchdown Dominic!!!!

FART CITY has new Mayor