This Just In...

I just did a quick background check and you are not going to believe this:

FART CITY has never won against Del Boca Vista (or whatever gay name the GM decided to go bye in past years).

This is unacceptable! I NEED to see some serious action from FART CITY this week. Willie, if you don't play, then your commitment to this team is in serious question. This is what I am expecting from you all - FART CITY can NOT dissappoint. This is huger than huge (yes, I said "huger").

1. Jeff "The Stand In" Garcia - Your main purpose here is to not lose the game. You do not throw INT's, lets keep it that way. (225 yards and 2 td's)



2. Reggie - Just be Reggie. You tourched GB last year, I am not even asking for that. Keep it real for FART CITY. You are the backbone of our receiving core. (130 yds and 1 td)



3. Plax - PLEASE...just show up. You are playing the 49ers for crying out loud. (98 yds and 1 td)



4. 2-6 "The Mayor" - You are our heart, our soul. You always find a way. Whether it be junk time or pounding through a hole to game some needed yards and td's for the team, you are there. I'm the first to admit that I have a man-crush on you. (135 yds, 2 td's)



5. Dominic "New Guy" Rhodes - I know you are nervous, this being your first start with FART CITY. You most likely won't be here with us at the end of the year but we will remember the good times as we celebrate a championship. If you can dominate this week, I may keep you around later in the year just so you get a ring. (98 yds, 2 td's)



6. Anthony "wtf" Fasano - Dude, really? You have had two good games all year. You weren't in the lineup either of those games. How about giving daddy one of those td's that I so desire from my tightend spot? (56 yds, 1 td)



7. Da Bears - Nothing else need be said. (shut out, 5 sacks, 1 int)



8. Fast Willie Parker - We need you here buddy. Can you step up for the team? This is the Bengals for the love of pete. You love to destroy the Bengals. Don't you want to crush them? Remember game 1 this year? 3 td's, that was nice. ***(155 yds, 3 td's)



9. Eddie or Johnnie Lee - One of you may be asked to step in this week. If so, it is going to be your moment to shine. Both of you are nasty threats to return a kick at any time. Both of you are nasty threats to break a reception for a td with your sick, sick speed. FART CITY is proud to have you both as members of this team and only wish that we could play 4 WR's every week. ***(85 yds, 1 td, 165 ret yds)