Running Up the Score...

There has been a lot of talk this week about running up the score in a lot of different ways this week.

-Let's start off with one powerful number - 87.15. What is that you may ask. Well, quite simply, that is the embarrising number by which I beat this weeks oponent during our first match-up of the year. That by the way is the highest margin of vicotry in our league on the year, a record that has sat in the books for 11 weeks. After such a dominant ass kicking (there is absolutely no other way to describe it) in Week 1, Team 0.0 (aptly named) is back for more. His team is better, but I still predict a nasty victory of 142 to 89

-"I am for ringing up the scoreboard, and if Willie can get in there, I am going to hand it to him." - This quote is going to come in handy more ways than one this week. FWP said Monday that he wants to get the ball more, he wants to see the Steelers run more like years past. Well, I get the feeling that coach Tomlin is going to give him his wish against the Bongals. Get ready for 145 yds and 2 tds from Fast Willie Parker this week!

Bottom line is: Team 0.0 you are about to be flat out destroyed!!!

This Is Getting Old

I mean, it seems like it is the same thing over and over again for FART CITY - injuries. When are we going to get it together. It's the same old "trick" over and over again. Here we are, another week when we have to figure out injuries:

I swear, this feeling is no different than multiple gut punches. It really does seem that every single week lately there is a litany of injuries that we have to deal with. Questionable player after questionable player.

1) The Mayor - sprained MCL. That certainly doesn't sound good. I have to say, if he is not 100% I certainly don't want him playing and hurting that worse. I would much rather him save himself for the Fantasy Playoffs

2) Ladell Betts aka "the stand in" - Recovering from a worse sprained MCL. He is still not 100% and not quite sure if he is going to go Sunday

***What is the worst about these too is that they are saying game time decision. But their game is Sunday night after all my players are gone. Its either all or nothing with them this week.

3) Reggie Wayne - he hasn't practiced this week with a sprained ankle

4) FWP - the f'ing shoulder thing! I mean he is going to be in a sling and playing? They still aren't saying if he is 100% to play this week or not.

5) Sammy Morris - Not sure if he is going tonight or not. Regardless they are playing a staunch Jets D so I wouldn't play him unless 100% anyway, which he is NOT

So...something has to get better...right? I mean this suffering that I am going through every single week has to be for something doesn't it? I better win the playoffs after dealing with all this crap. I want to see everyone here healthy as ever starting in Week 14. I better have issues on deciding who we are going to put in the line-up - NOT who is most likely to even suit up. Man!

Spanglers are going Down!!

They think they are tough because they have Kurt Warner to throw a million td's and keep them afloat. Well, the Spanglers are no match for FART CITY. I am not even 100% sure that they will field a full team, given team history. But if they do, they are in for it. We are bringing it all this week boys!

I know that I have laid down the gauntlet, stating that we won't score below 90 again this year. And I firmly hold to that. Jerious will bring it agains Denver, likely to have multiple return opportunities and multiple touches in various offensive schemes. Eddie Royal will have a huge game against a Falcons D, that while staunch, still gave up almost 500 yds to the Saints. McNabb - well, just get ready for him to light up Cinci to the tune of 307 yds and 2 tds. Reggie Wayne in a monster game against Houston is going for 130 and a td.

Granted, outside of Jerious, the rb position is up in the air this week in FART CITY. We are not 100% if The Mayor is playing or not. But word, as read below, is that Fast Willie Parker will be back and also may Sammy Morris. But the good thing is that if they can't compete, we are very confident in Dominic "The Man" Rhodes to put up enough points.

Spanglers, bottom line is - YOU ARE DEAD!!!

Return From Injuries?

Is this is? Is this the week that we get some guys back from injury? Who knows....

Word is that Fast Willie Parker is supposed to be back at practice tomorrow and is expected to play on Sunday against the Chargers. Boy, that would be a heck of a nice surprise for FART CITY.

I also hear that Sammy Morris may be back. We'll see....

Either way, it is going to be an interesting week. I think regardless of those guys coming back, Jerious Norwood has earned a spot at least as the RB2 of FART CITY, if not the defacto FLEX for the rest of the season. We definitely feel very comfortable riding Jerious as FLEX into the playoffs!

It is really getting down to an interesting point right now. The season is nearing an end and the playoffs are right around the corner. Keep it up FART CITY!!!

Hilarious Quote By Del Boca Vista

to the 4 people who voted against it. your vote is a vote against awesome. it is a vote against hope. it is a vote against the fraternity of fantasy.

Week 10 Heroes

Wait a minute...I feel like I was doing pretty much the exact same post last week:

Eddie Royal
Jerious Norwood

Guys...seriously! You are really showing the world what it means to be part of FART CITY! Eddie "Money" Royal, you are averaging right around 24 pts over the past two weeks. You have moved into the Top 5 of WR's in the Mason-Dixon League. The is HUGE. Talk about setting the tone for the week with a 26 pt performance on Thursday night. Keep bringing it brotha! You have earned your spot along side Reggie Wayne as a starting WR in FART CITY.



Speaking of Reggie - welcome back my friend.


Jerious. You have a special place in my heart, for you are a Dirty Bird of the finest order! You run one in last week, you break one for 67 yds and a td this week. This is proof positive that the Falcons MUST find a way to get the ball in your hands. You are the definition of a game changer my friend.

Now...I love the two of you, I love everyone on FART CITY. But the game ball this week has to go to Dominic Rhodes! My man! You were a last minute sub for FWP - who, go figure, was hurt again. You and Jerious were most likely not even playing on most teams in Fantasy Football, yet the two of you dominated as RB's. 45 yds rushing between the two of you and yet you managed over 31 pts. Not too shabby. Not much was expected Rhodes, but you delivered! I LOVE it!!

Way to go ALL of FART CITY!! You truly did take a skadoosh on Skadoosh this week!!! Speaking of...I'm off.....

Hi Point and Low Point

So I can't tell you how pumped I was to see that Eddie Royal had another dominating FART CITY performance on Thursday night! I mean 164 yds, 1 td and about 75 return yds - HUGE game! Eddie, we are so proud of you today.

So I come in this morning so pumped that I have over 26 pts on the board after just one player and am feeling pretty good for this week's match-up. Then what do I read but a pure piece of poop:

Fast Willie Parker is sitting out week 10 with a shoulder injury!

What the F is that?????!!!!!!!! Willie, dude, what is your problem? Now we have The Mayor on bye, Willie out, Sammy still hurt. This blows! I mean I went from cloud 9 to crawling in the mud crying in less than 4 seconds flat.

Alternate Meanings of "Skadoosh"

THIS (FART CITY) vs. this (skadoosh)

I believe that my worthy apponent this week got his name from the mildly successful children's movie Kung Fu Panda. However, when scrolling through the Urban Dictionary, one finds a few more alternate, and might I say spot-on, meanings of the word:

Skadoosh:
someone or something so lame, it's even WORSE than a douche bag.
"She was trying to talk to him but he was ignoring her. Can't she take a hint?!?" "Naww...she's a Skadoosh!"

Skadoosh:
The act of pooping. Aka: crapping, Number 2, Dropping a Duece
Ah man, that chinese was good but now I have to drop a skadoosh!

With that said, while my Skadoosh oponent drops a skadoosh, I am going to be gameplanning to take home a Victory this week. Don't get me wrong, this week is primed to be a battle. To make matters even more interesting, The Mayor is going to be sitting the bench for some much needed rest after 1,145 total yards through 9 games thus far. Take your breather Mayor, the rest of FART CITY has your back and will step up huge.

So some keys to the game this week:

• KC needs to come out of their shell and stop San Diego. If they let Rivers throw for over 300 yds like Garcia did last week, there is going to be some pissed off folks in FART CITY.


• LT needs to stub his toe or something. Coming off a bye and being well rested - come on, where is the fairness for FART CITY in this match-up?


• FWP came back with 2 td's last night! That was HUGE. He needs to find some wheels against a week Colts D and get over 20 pts for this game to be close. We know you can do it FWP!!! (skadoosh, I warn you, FWP called me and told me he is watching the below video 5 times a day until Sunday for motivation - and he is PUMPED)


• I made special note of BIG games from some not-so-regular heroes last week. Jerious and Eddie Royal, you helped us win last week and we need you to step up here as well! Flush this skadoosh.


• Shoot Out in the NFC East: I am talking a classic shoot out here. I need McNabb throwing bombs and I need Plax making some major plays on the other side. If you don't think that the Sunday night game is going to be watched in FART CITY with breath held, you are nuts. That is HUGE!

Bottom line - FART CITY takes a monster, stinky skadoosh all over Skadoosh!

Week 9 HEROES!!

McNabb, oh how we love thee! What - 349 yds and 2 tds! That is huge! We will forgive that one int, they happen. Shake it off buddy. You dominated this week and FART CITY loves you for it. This is why we drafted you my friend...keep it coming!

Now on to big news. The Crapville Crapstains never saw these guys coming! Certainly not with the dominating performances that they had! Boys - this is what I LOVE about FART CITY. I mean we have some big name players: Reggie, Plax, FWP, The Mayor - but it is a TEAM game and it takes huge performances from everybody to make us winner. I am confident that because of these huge performances, we will move into the number 2 spot again this week, and number 1 in points! Watch your ass Green Devils - we are coming. The Mason-Dixon League has no idea what is coming at it. The playoffs will be our bitch. FART CITY is going to take this league by storm! We WILL win the whole show this year!!

We LOVE you Eddie! We LOVE you Jerious!! Keep doing your thing boys - teams like the Stains have nothing on us when you play like this!

Crapville Crapstains are Going DOWN!!

The "Crapville Crapstains" and their GM are going down this week! With Steve Smith on bye, they've got nothing! Between whoever reads this and me, here is my secret to success this week:

Ever td that Peyton throws goes to Reggie Wayne! Simple as that.

This is a battle of 5-3 teams folks. This is SERIOUS shit this week. FART CITY will not stand for another weak performance from our WR's. You heard it hear first, but McNabb is going to throw for 3 td's this week and Portis shuts down the Steelers and runs fro 175.

FAST WILLIE PARKER - Please Come Back

We're Back!!! Licking our Wounds, but We're Back

Sorry for the lack of posts. I was out of town and then had to play a lot of catch up when I returned. My lack of dedication to the blog proved to haunt me. After starting the blog the week of DBV, FART CITY showed up in a strong way and kicked ass! Then last week, after not posting anything, we were absolutely destroyed by DoggNutz in a horrible way. I still licking my wounds!

Well, lesson learned. We are back to the blog this week against a strong Mintville Mustangs (aka Crapville Crapstains). I would say that spirits are high in FART CITY after last weeks ass kicking, thinking we could come in and dominate. But we are HURTING! Here is a list of what is wrong with our squad:

• Reggie Wayne - has sat out of practice with bum knee. Reggie will most likely play, but is banged up.


• The Mayor - has sat out of practice with a bum hip. He's too much of a bad-ass to not play, but still banged up.


• Willie Parker - trying to come back from banged up knee. Banged up and allowed M. Moore to garner too much respect in his absence. We in FART CITY are not happy.


• Sammy Morris - got pumped after he helped destroy DBV. But has been out with banged up knee and most likely won't play this week either.


• Norwood (my idle) - sat out of practice with concussion. He is concussed for crying out loud!


• Plax - just a dick


• Rhodes - We love him in FART CITY and heads are dropped all over the place at news that Addai will most likely be returning this week, thus sending Rhodes to the bench.

So, as you can see, there is reason for spirits to be down. I am sure we will get pumped up by the weekend. We need some serious energy to take on the Crapville Crapstains!

The Replacements...

I want to thank those who came in this week and kicked ass out of nowhere. I am referring to 2 outstanding RB's who came in this week as replacements for me and more than did their fair-share. These two quite litterally won a game for me. Thank you Mr. Dominic Rhodes and Mr. Sammy Morris. Your place on the team may not last long but you will never be forgotten. Beating DBV was oh so fantastic. It felt great and there was a wonderful celebration in FART CITY last night!

D. Rhodes, we hope that Addai stays hurt for a while. Sammy...we hope your knee gets better. But God love you both! THANK YOU!

Kill Jay Cutler Fan Club

I have been thinking about changing the name of the blog to the Kill Jay Cutler Fan Club. While that may be a bit extreme, I definitely think it is worth a blog post to take a moment and relish in the pain and failure that Jay Cutler is sure to experience tonight against the Patriots. I am only one man. But I wish the worst on young Jay tonight. He is a cocky SOB and needs to be put in his place. What kind of little kid thinks he is better than John Elway - even worse...it is him making the comment about himself, nobody else said it. What a cocky bitch. I can't wait to watch him sacked all over the place, throwing multiple int's again!!!

"I have a stronger arm than John Elway, hands down. I'll bet on it against anybody's in the league. Brett Favre's got a cannon. But on game days, there's nobody in the league who's going to throw it harder than I am at all." - Jay "i'm a little bitch" Cutler

Down The Home Stretch...

Here it is, Saturday before a HUGE game in the 2008 season. FART CITY is pumped for this. They are out stretching now, preparing for the huge game. There are so many questions on who the actual starting line-up will be this week. Obviously the Mayor has his usual spot - hip flexor or not - but there are some other issues.

Jeff "stand in" Garcia is primed and ready to play. Then there is Mark "really, this is your best" Bulger. He was picked up weeks ago specifically for this week. (Quick back story: he was DBV's QB until his poor play and getting demoted to 2nd string led him to be cut. However St. Louis got rid of their coach and the new coach named him again starter. FART CITY picked up Bulger for the explicit purpose of playing this week in Mc5's absence). From no options at qb to now too many. Ugh....what will we do. Who will lead our team to destroy Del Boca Visa this week?

Then the flex. Before I get into that, though, let's have a quick moment of silence for Fast Willie Parker. We will miss you again this week buddy! Okay, so Flex position. Options are Sammy Morris...will he show up? Will he score? Who knows. Beyond that is Eddie Royal or Good Ol' Johnnie Lee. Both have the double threat of receiver that can bust it at any time for td, as well as kick returners. I like those extra touches.

Only time will tell. For now, you better believe that ALL of FART CITY is out there getting ready for this game - and whoever gets the call will bring it all!!

Happy Birthday To Me....

As the esteemed leader of FART CITY, I would like to wish myself a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Since nobody reads this blog (I know...hard to believe right), I figure nobody else will do it.

The WALL of FART CITY

This is what happens when you try to run into FART CITY...

You are going to get stuck, you are going to get stuck hard. Del Boca Vista....you are about to get HURT!!!

NOWAY (click on link NOWAY)

Correction...

I beat DBV in 2005. He went by the Marine Biologists then.

This Just In...

I just did a quick background check and you are not going to believe this:

FART CITY has never won against Del Boca Vista (or whatever gay name the GM decided to go bye in past years).

This is unacceptable! I NEED to see some serious action from FART CITY this week. Willie, if you don't play, then your commitment to this team is in serious question. This is what I am expecting from you all - FART CITY can NOT dissappoint. This is huger than huge (yes, I said "huger").

1. Jeff "The Stand In" Garcia - Your main purpose here is to not lose the game. You do not throw INT's, lets keep it that way. (225 yards and 2 td's)



2. Reggie - Just be Reggie. You tourched GB last year, I am not even asking for that. Keep it real for FART CITY. You are the backbone of our receiving core. (130 yds and 1 td)



3. Plax - PLEASE...just show up. You are playing the 49ers for crying out loud. (98 yds and 1 td)



4. 2-6 "The Mayor" - You are our heart, our soul. You always find a way. Whether it be junk time or pounding through a hole to game some needed yards and td's for the team, you are there. I'm the first to admit that I have a man-crush on you. (135 yds, 2 td's)



5. Dominic "New Guy" Rhodes - I know you are nervous, this being your first start with FART CITY. You most likely won't be here with us at the end of the year but we will remember the good times as we celebrate a championship. If you can dominate this week, I may keep you around later in the year just so you get a ring. (98 yds, 2 td's)



6. Anthony "wtf" Fasano - Dude, really? You have had two good games all year. You weren't in the lineup either of those games. How about giving daddy one of those td's that I so desire from my tightend spot? (56 yds, 1 td)



7. Da Bears - Nothing else need be said. (shut out, 5 sacks, 1 int)



8. Fast Willie Parker - We need you here buddy. Can you step up for the team? This is the Bengals for the love of pete. You love to destroy the Bengals. Don't you want to crush them? Remember game 1 this year? 3 td's, that was nice. ***(155 yds, 3 td's)



9. Eddie or Johnnie Lee - One of you may be asked to step in this week. If so, it is going to be your moment to shine. Both of you are nasty threats to return a kick at any time. Both of you are nasty threats to break a reception for a td with your sick, sick speed. FART CITY is proud to have you both as members of this team and only wish that we could play 4 WR's every week. ***(85 yds, 1 td, 165 ret yds)

PotHole Willie Parker

VS.

In the epic battle of man vs. pothole - Pothole may just have won. If FWP seriously is knocked out this week because he reinjured his knee on a pothole at the practice field, then Carl the groundskeeper needs to be shot!

I mean I am playing my nemisis this week - Del Boca Vista. I am sitting strongly in 3rd place, I am coming off the high of Dominic Rhodes joining the squad. And then this shit! I just can't take it!

I still claim that I will come away with victory this week. Even though I am without Mc5 and perhaps without FWP, I will still win.

Welcome our newest Team Member

FART CITY is proud to welcome Dominic Rhodes to the roster! It may not last long, but if the news is true and Joseph Addai is out this week, DR may provide some much needed boost to our Flex position. With team leader Mc5 sitting out this week on bye, we could use the help! Go get us a Touchdown Dominic!!!!

FART CITY has new Mayor